For most small to mid-sized private companies, there is an inevitable, painful moment: a close, high-value colleague submits their resignation, only for you to learn they are moving to a competitor. In the heat of the moment, the instinctive reaction—especially for leaders of the 5X, 6X, or 7X generation—is betrayal: Did our years of mentorship and kindness mean nothing?
This feeling is often met by confusion and frustration from younger generations (8X, 9X) who view such a reaction as archaic.
I. The generational divide and the trust gap
This conflict stems from two core differences:
- Cultural nostalgia: For the older generation, the “Oath of the Peach Garden” mentality—a preference for absolute, lifelong loyalty—is deeply ingrained.
- Market scarcity: Critically, Vietnam still suffers from a low supply of high-quality talent and insufficient legal governance. This forces companies to rely heavily on personal relationships and familial loyalty to maintain organizational stability—making the loss of a trusted colleague feel like an existential threat.
In contrast, mature economies have a higher density of skilled professionals, allowing companies to replace talent faster and reducing the perceived emotional risk associated with turnover.
II. The mandate for a graceful exit
My own experience in senior management at a large consulting firm taught me that the culture of exit must be professional and empowering. We always supported and facilitated departures. Those who left often became sources of future business or even returned as senior partners.
When a trusted colleague at my current company decides to leave, we make every effort to share our vision and persuade them to stay. But if they are resolute, we let them go with dignity. In the long run, especially if they join a competitor, you will have no regrets because you upheld the principle of “trọn tình, trọn nghĩa” (complete loyalty and integrity).
The Rules of the Leader:
- Never manipulate their emotions to make them feel guilty or obligated.
- Do not escalate the conflict by making unfixable statements like, “If you leave, never return.”
- Do not believe you “invested” in them. They worked diligently for you and the company; they are fully entitled to choose their next step.
III. The professional’s guide to resigning
For those who are leaving, here is my advice:
- Do not act on impulse: Never resign based on temporary frustration or a misunderstanding. If you feel constrained, communicate directly and proactively. Only leave when a career opportunity is genuinely significant and the new culture is a better fit.
- Never burn the bridge: Never resign via email or text message. Do not commit the cardinal sins of a professional exit: poaching staff, stealing documents, taking clients, or badmouthing the company/boss. You will pay a heavy price.
- Legal risk: No company tolerates theft or breach of contract.
- Reputation risk: Your new employer will think, “If they did that to their old boss, they will do it to us.” They will not trust you.
IV. The burden of obligation
The most critical realization is this: Do not make a departing colleague feel indebted to you.
No one likes the feeling of being “indebted.” In Asian culture, the burden of ân tình (favor/obligation) is an immense, invisible weight. Never compel a colleague to feel “obligated” simply because they worked for you for a long period. You do not have the right to claim that debt. They made their choice, and you must respect their maturity.
The ultimate measure of a company’s professionalism is not how it hires, but how it handles a departure.
Nguyễn Quốc Toàn – EQuest Group
P.S. At EQuest, we continuously strive to cultivate a culture of professional hiring and dignified separation. EQuest always welcomes talented professionals for leadership positions, including principals and vice principals in our K12 and technology segments. If interested, please contact us.
