For private companies of medium size and below, a frequently occurring issue is that one day, a senior associate/employee very close to you suddenly submits their resignation. After inquiring, you find out that the associate/employee has already applied for and taken a job at another company. After so many years of care and kind treatment, to finally be let down like this? Is behaving like that acceptable?
And so you go on a tirade, throwing everything into turmoil, or beg and convince the employee to stay. When they are determined to leave, especially when going to work for a competitor, you feel betrayed and angrily declare, “Once you leave, don’t ever return.” And in the end, your relationship with the associate breaks down to an irreparable point. Every time you mention each other, it is filled with resentment: “That guy/gal is ungrateful. I built them up from when they were still in the egg.” While the associate says: “I couldn’t stand him/her anymore; working with him/her was exhausting.”
This feeling is very common, and most reactions like the above occur with people of the 5th-6th-7th-decade generation like us. Meanwhile, for those of the 8X-9X generation and onward, they would probably be very surprised and annoyed when bosses from the 5-6-7X generations react like that to their resignation.
Why is that?
Partly, for the 7X generation and earlier, we like brothers gathering around and being affectionate. A culture of “Peach Garden Brotherhood” and “absolute loyalty” style has soaked into our blood according to East Asian culture.
But in truth, it is mostly because high-quality human resources in Vietnam remain far too scarce, and “trust” in our society is still very low because laws are not strict, so we always have to rely on social relationships and brotherly/sisterly ties to maintain a stable company. In developed economies, the quality and quantity of human resources are much higher, so companies always find replacements much faster than in Vietnam, and thus leaders do not experience the painful, betrayed feelings mentioned above.
I used to hold a senior management position at a large consulting firm. Losing people to outside companies was an everyday reality we had to face. Company policy and the overall boss’s culture in Vietnam were always to create conditions and support them to leave. Those who left later brought business back to the company, and there were always people returning to serve as managers or partners.
When I wanted to leave the aforementioned company, I flew to Hanoi to meet the overall boss and directly resigned on the grounds that I wanted to start a business again. After that, I flew to Singapore to meet the regional managing boss just to submit my resignation. On the farewell day, the company organized such a grand celebration that I felt embarrassed. To this day, we remain brothers and always help each other in work.
I have senior associates at my current company, people I consider brothers-in-arms. When they submit their resignations and convincing them to stay does not work, although very sad, we still let them leave with dignity. At those times, we usually do everything beforehand: talk, share the vision, and convince them. But when they are determined to leave, we do not obstruct them and create maximum conditions for them to succeed. Looking back later, you will not regret those actions, especially later on if conflicts arise when they work for a competitor. Because you have acted with “complete affection and complete devotion.”
Never “emotionally manipulate” them with tricks to make them awkward and push the problem to a point so terrible it cannot be repaired, or cause them to stay so reluctantly that they lose faith in the boss and the organization.
For associates who leave, my advice is never to resign out of temporary emotion or a misunderstanding. Be brave and behave in a dignified manner, speak directly, and share with your boss as early as possible. If it is merely frustration over “the shirt being a bit too tight” compared to your capability, boldly exchange views before seeking another opportunity. You should only leave if that career opportunity is truly grand and the culture is more suitable for you.
You should never resign via email or text message. And never “burn bridges” with “taboo” acts such as poaching people, taking documents or clients, or speaking ill of the company and boss. You will pay an extremely heavy price for these things. On one hand, you will face legal violations because no company condones and accepts this. On the other hand, the new company will evaluate you like this: “[they] could do that to their old boss and old company, so [they] can do it to us.” And as a result, the new company will not trust you either.
If your associate truly wants to leave, support them and create opportunities for them to succeed. And especially, never think that you or the organization have “granted favor by investing in them.”
When working with you, they have already dedicated themselves wholeheartedly and with full effort for you and the company. They hold full rights and sufficient maturity to choose their next step. When they resign, they have usually thought it through quite carefully, so obstructing them will no longer work anyway. Therefore, there is no reason to make the matter worse.
Nobody likes the feeling of having to “owe a debt of gratitude” to others. The burden of “gratitude” for East Asians is an invisible burden that one does not know how to repay for a lifetime, especially for those belonging to the 7X generation and earlier. Therefore, never force others to “feel indebted” to you simply because they worked with you for a long time. We have no right to do that.
Nguyen Quoc Toan – EQuest Group
PS: At EQuest, we always try to create a culture of hiring and parting ways with dignity. EQuest always welcomes talent for positions of leadership, principals, and vice principals for K-12 and technology divisions. Anyone interested, please get in touch.
