Students of Alpha School in Hanoi participate in an experiential learning session.
As online forums buzz with discussions about school choice, I offer my personal observation on the differences between attending an “average” public school and a prestigious one. What is the worst thing about an average school, and what, ironically, is the greatest advantage?
I. The dark side of the ‘average’ school
My greatest fear when attending non-specialized public schools was not failing tests, poor teaching, or academic pressure. It was being bullied.
In these classrooms, you always found the “Class Tyrants” (trùm lớp). These students were rarely academic, often physically imposing or naturally aggressive, and possessed an innate, powerful “leadership” quality. They exerted their authority by arbitrarily tormenting, ordering, or beating smaller students. Others, out of fear, became their sycophants, joining in the abuse of designated victims.
As a small, weak child, this was my deepest fear and lasting trauma. I couldn’t always tell my parents; firstly, they were busy, and secondly, informing them usually led to worse retaliatory beatings.
II. The high-stakes survival strategy
Survival in that environment required a precise strategy: managing the bully. I learned that to avoid being a mere subordinate (a “yes-man” perpetually running errands), I needed to be indispensable yet respected.
My primary defense was often tutoring the bully, helping the “Tyrant” with homework. They feared their parents’ punishment for bad grades, and when they succeeded, they were genuinely grateful. Crucially, I had to ensure I was also respected by other students, as the “Tyrant” could not easily target a peer who was also a respected leader of a different group.
When avoidance failed, I had to be willing to fight back – a desperate measure that sometimes involved grabbing a large wooden plank, shoving a bully into a ditch, or risking suspension for fighting back too hard.
That constant fear ended the day I entered Hanoi–Amsterdam High School. The prestige of the school was secondary to the relief: I was never bullied again. My years at Ams were the most peaceful of my academic life.
III. The big-fish-little-pond trap
Paradoxically, the biggest benefit of an “average” school is the one least expected by parents: The psychological advantage it offers high-performing students.
This is explained by the sociological concept of Relative deprivation and the Big-fish-little-pond effect (BFLPE), popularized by sociologist Herbert Marsh.
- The BFLPE states that a gifted student’s self-perception is inversely related to the prestige of their school.
- A smart student will feel extremely competent (a “Big Fish”) in a normal, average-achieving school (a “Little Pond”).
- The same student, when placed in a specialized public school filled with prodigies (“super-sharks”), will naturally fall in ranking and feel ordinary or inadequate.
This self-perception dramatically impacts motivation and future drive. The student who was once the top of their class may now be at the bottom, sacrificing self-esteem for the illusion of prestige. That stress can kill creativity, passion, and the joy of learning. Studies estimate that the lowest-ranked students in these elite schools often feel so inadequate that they lose confidence and abandon big, ambitious dreams.
IV. The mandate for confidence
By pushing a child into a hyper-elite school, driven by pride, parents risk turning their talented child into a “mediocre” fish in an overwhelming ocean, inadvertently stripping away their crucial big dreams.
If faced with a choice, I would opt for an environment where my child can thrive as one of the top students holistically (academics, sports, leadership). That necessary self-confidence is the single greatest motivator for success in higher education and life.
Do not confuse prestige with prosperity. Choose an environment that nurtures the child’s self-belief, not one that crushes it.
